Figuring out what I wanted to talk about in this post has been a bitch. I’ve had many different themes run through my head, including: Monogamy is Bullshit, I Never Liked Your Fucking Cat, and Long Distance: Life and “Love” via Text. Those topics have hit the cutting room floor for now – but they were definitely fun to think about (and I might bring one or more of them back one of these days).
What I ended up deciding to talk about here is the pursuit of intimacy.
If you’ve known me for a number of years, you know that dating isn’t really my thing. I had one “serious” boyfriend in high school and everyone else since then has just been sort of a blip on the radar, with a few exceptions here and there. I was very much focused on my career, travel, and straight up living the shit out of life. But for some reason at the beginning of 2014 I started to feel like all of that wasn’t enough.
I had great friends, a great career, and was having a generally great time – but I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something missing. I had never really been bothered by being single before. I had done plenty of casual dating and probably more than my fair share of swiping right, but this all started to feel sort of pointless and empty after awhile. These pseudo relationships were missing a key factor: intimacy.
My personal pursuit of intimacy taught me a few important things:
1) When you want it really badly, you’ll look for it in all the wrong places. You’ll also read into things far too much, put too much weight on relationships that aren’t meant to turn into anything, and drive yourself insane. Not fun.
2) The desire to find and keep intimacy in your life will make you do things like stay in a relationship for far too long – not only because you don’t want to lose that intimacy in your life, but also because you feel guilty for taking it away from someone else. It can be an incredibly isolating experience – hardly worth the few moments of warm fuzzy feelings you get as a trade off.
3) You undervalue the intimacy that currently exists in your life. We get intimacy from a variety of sources – our friends, our family, our pets (except for cats – they’re heartless assholes for the most part). While the context of the intimacy is certainly different, does that make one form of intimacy more valid, or somehow better? I would have to argue no.
With these things in mind, I’m ready to move forward and continue to just live the shit out of life. To not be so worried about whether or not I’ll have children or if I’ll get to make my closest friends wear awful bridesmaid dresses and drink out of penis straws in my honor (but now that I think of that second thing, my birthday is coming up…). To always value the intimacy that already exists in my life, and to not date grown men who have a Patriots bedspread (sorry – had to get one last dig in there).
And you know what? I think I’m already well on my way.